An initial encounter of romance sparked when I befriended one of many primal concepts of civilization on the playgrounds of pre-school. Gaining a best friend permitted access to wonders of vulnerability, personality, and social skills. As much as we prioritize and tend to romantic endeavors, companions, partners, fuck buddies—we isolate the development of friendships. Refusing to design and align this accordance creates a disconnect with our understanding of our human needs. The infrastructure of friendships depends on factors such as consistent commitment and communication, both we would invest in our pursuit for marital or sexual relationships. Through this work, discoveries allow us to gather the type of friendships that exists and the type that we tolerate. Of course, everyone is not your friend.

This story has scratched the disk, cords hazily audible while verses loop to a contorted tune, but I figured this is how healing sounds. Healing from a friendship speaks volumes. The inevitable circumstance of loss is a household nursery rhyme. In 2016, I learned the pitch of the song of friendships. My genuine efforts to sustain adolescent engagement and experiences, invested in the evolution of different individuals with shared interests, became exploitation of the differences in reciprocation and respect. My 21st birthday was a coming of age moment in various aspects. From emotional endangerment with the romantic fraudulence of an involvement to betrayal with a platonic deception, this milestone stepped into a distraught state. The grounds of the disagreement followed terms of compensation for transportation in event of celebrating my birthday. Due to unexpected payment of shared amenities on my birthday, I excused myself from responsibility of offering. Quickly, it was insinuated that my interests were selfish. Defending my position and perspective led to my best friend resorting to online slander and revealing her deepest opinion about me as a person and her deepest sentiment about our bond. Crippled.

Since sophomore year in high school to my 21st birthday, a concealment projected in high definition. My physical differences and appearances that’s been targeted by societal standards of beauty was in near range of a bullet fired from my best friend. This wasn’t a private act of violence, she publicly assaulted our friendship with her juvenile, vile verbiage. Crippled. In hindsight, this statement was ableist—even without personal disability, but the difference in idea of normalcy—signifying internal conditions that had cramped ability to develop emotional intelligence and maturity. The reaction I contributed to this mildly virulent altercation elicited the truth. As once mentioned by this estranged fellowship, I was more of a friend to her than she was to me. Even when time taught her conscience to amend an incurable fracture, the caste system I constructed in college didn’t allow mobility for one’s enemy.

Over There

You are aware of the existence of this individual and casually coexist in social settings but there’s lack of active pursuit for intimate development. A neighbor and coworker often best represents this type of understanding. The acknowledged common location brings about phony and trivial communication, unable to provide shelter for an afterthought about this stagnation. However, the formation does have potential to prosper from the simplistic into the intricate rank of friendships.

Cell Phone Distance

The basis of this relationship heavily relies on methods of contact, such as media platforms and mobile devices. Recipients formulate opinions, interests, conversations, and other business or endeavors that derives from practices of the phrase, “one call away.” This application introduces an unique form where interactions are probably limited but the expressions of mutual interests and manifestations of the friendship creates a safe place for this friendship. Cell Phone Distance is subject to mobility and change.

Associate

Just a grade above Cell Phone Distance, this score of friendship reaches social rendezvous, platonic dates, gatherings, and intimate engagements. When much doesn’t ignite and gravitate, there’s restrictions applied about accessibility and vulnerability. These limitations keep both parties aware of their own comfort and capacity so they will not exhaust each other with certain expectations. Favors and financial support can become a difficult discussion in nature. Nevertheless, an associate is dependable in regards to less extreme and sacrificial events that doesn’t jeopardize the understanding of this bond.

Close/Best Friend

A close friend exceeds requirements that previous or current states of friendships fail to provide because there’s a pristine degree of reciprocation and affiliation. Circumstances of this becoming can occur from years of familiarity or sudden natural inclination. More than likely, this relationship is reserved for substantial secrets, financial and emotional support, spontaneous travels, trusting partnerships, and other meaningful transactions. The durability of a best friend keeps one grounded, safe in the growing voids of life. This friendship is a reminder and an affirmation. It’s a significant other, not in just the romantic way However, the significance bears a liked love of a romantic partner.

Soulmate

An alignment that effortlessly and spiritually synchs like gospel and soul genres of tunes is an achievement of patience and receptiveness. The similarities of a close/best friend dynamic are intensified and gravely profound. It’s as if another individual is a mirror, even with distinguished differences, and you’re admiring the advancement and enhancement of the soul. Soulmates are pairs that aren’t always in the same suite of experience; greater explained by my friendship with my best friend who is my spiritual guide and soulmate. Our intersections are fraternal twins. We meet with lessons, experiences, and knowledge that is necessary for our development, separated and unified.

Through identifying and formatting friendships, you’d begin to act accordingly to the path of that friendship. Each rank is subject to change unlike historical caste systems. Mine is a protective construct to process heartbreaks and openly maneuver throughout society. Remaining mindful that soulmates can have a soulful contract and still divorce helps gather understanding of romantic and platonic relationships. Everybody is not your friend. But, they do serve a purpose for the path you cross.